Anne, I was just about to ask, “What do you think would have happened if you told her what you were dealing with?” Then I saw your reply to another commenter. You would have broken down, probably. She might have understood that more was at stake than manners. Fifteen minutes must have seemed like nothing to her but to you was the piece of string holding your day together.
When my husband died unexpectedly and I had to deal with so much stuff in addition to the grief, I had a short fuse for incompetents. I think you handled it well.
Oh Anne! I remember the early days of grief when I was so reactive and explosive. I know I've had to deconstruct my behavior because on some level, as a white woman, I felt entitled to better treatment, and entitled to unleash my anger and frustration when I wasn't getting it.
I felt. so beat up by an unfair world, overwhelmed by the magnitude of my future loss when Steven was diagnosed, and then my loss when he died, that I lost my patience easily. I'm not saying that workers in the service industry can't be infuriating (think the DMV or the US Postal Service), I just know my over the top reactions were not about them. You are brave for writing about this. I would have lost my shit had I been under the pressure you were, and still are experiencing.
I guess I'm just seeing a lot of comments agreeing with your anger when I don't think that was your intention (although I could be wrong). The attitude being expressed "how dare they waste our time!" and I get it, it doesn't feel good. But I wonder what stressors a person working at a bank has to live with at work and at home. Zero judgement from me, just some reflections and revelations I've had about my own behavior under stress.
Amy, you are quite correct. When someone is short with me, or hostile, or just generally being a ditz, I remind myself that I have no idea what's going on in their world. sometimes I am tempted to ask, but have yet to do so.
First of all, perfection on the title! When my mother got sick and then my husband got hit, I felt like my whole life was one "No Good, Really Bad, Terrible Awful Day". Second, I applaud you for showing and sharing exactly what this teller's rudeness, albeit unintentional and impersonal, added to your plate. Had she simply been on time, simply been prepared, simply done her job...we all forget that 5, or 10, or even 20 minutes may not feel like an exorbitant imposition to us, but when its borrowing against your ONLY 55 minutes, it feels like another devastation. Thank you for sharing. And for continuing.
I HATE it when professionals have zero regard for our time. Your response to her was well within reasonable, and she should have done more than apologized.
You shouldn’t have to convey this, but I think it might educate her a bit to tell her that your husband is gravely ill, and cannot be left alone, and you have serious time limits. Maybe it’ll wake her up
Teyani, I rather hoped that my teary phone call with my sister, J, would drive that point home with her!! Plus, as I learned the other day, I STILL can't say, "My husband has a terminal illness" without breaking down. I'll write about that one soon!
Oh dear Anne… it seems that the bank lady is most likely too asleep to notice anything. I wouldn’t try to say it out loud for now. That’s just too much for anyone to have to do.💞
Geez I'm enraged for you and Mr J. I'm SO impressed that you had that incisive one-liner to deliver at her. SAVING That one for future use
This happens again and again. 'Systems' and organisations MUST train staff to briefly ask FIRST how much time we have, what we need. It seems the first thing people get taught is 'how to manage, pacify people' instead of fast and efficient! Protocols and sequence seem to outweigh pragmatic logic...uGGGHHH
Handing over some big fat pillows to punch, or I'll hold the punchbag and we can take turns. BIG hugs hon
Mr. J's most supportive national agency offers print off cards that say, "Please pardon my companion's behavior. He has a degenerative brain disease." Perhaps we could use that as a template!!
We actually need two. “Please pardon my companion. . . “ and also, “Please pardon me. . . “ I have PTSD and sometimes stuff comes from my brain to my mouth before I can stop it!
Anne, I was just about to ask, “What do you think would have happened if you told her what you were dealing with?” Then I saw your reply to another commenter. You would have broken down, probably. She might have understood that more was at stake than manners. Fifteen minutes must have seemed like nothing to her but to you was the piece of string holding your day together.
When my husband died unexpectedly and I had to deal with so much stuff in addition to the grief, I had a short fuse for incompetents. I think you handled it well.
Thank you. I have a short fuse anyway somedays, but this was a particularly hard day.
Oh Anne! I remember the early days of grief when I was so reactive and explosive. I know I've had to deconstruct my behavior because on some level, as a white woman, I felt entitled to better treatment, and entitled to unleash my anger and frustration when I wasn't getting it.
I felt. so beat up by an unfair world, overwhelmed by the magnitude of my future loss when Steven was diagnosed, and then my loss when he died, that I lost my patience easily. I'm not saying that workers in the service industry can't be infuriating (think the DMV or the US Postal Service), I just know my over the top reactions were not about them. You are brave for writing about this. I would have lost my shit had I been under the pressure you were, and still are experiencing.
I guess I'm just seeing a lot of comments agreeing with your anger when I don't think that was your intention (although I could be wrong). The attitude being expressed "how dare they waste our time!" and I get it, it doesn't feel good. But I wonder what stressors a person working at a bank has to live with at work and at home. Zero judgement from me, just some reflections and revelations I've had about my own behavior under stress.
Amy, you are quite correct. When someone is short with me, or hostile, or just generally being a ditz, I remind myself that I have no idea what's going on in their world. sometimes I am tempted to ask, but have yet to do so.
First of all, perfection on the title! When my mother got sick and then my husband got hit, I felt like my whole life was one "No Good, Really Bad, Terrible Awful Day". Second, I applaud you for showing and sharing exactly what this teller's rudeness, albeit unintentional and impersonal, added to your plate. Had she simply been on time, simply been prepared, simply done her job...we all forget that 5, or 10, or even 20 minutes may not feel like an exorbitant imposition to us, but when its borrowing against your ONLY 55 minutes, it feels like another devastation. Thank you for sharing. And for continuing.
Jess, thank you for your support. I appreciate you.
I HATE it when professionals have zero regard for our time. Your response to her was well within reasonable, and she should have done more than apologized.
You shouldn’t have to convey this, but I think it might educate her a bit to tell her that your husband is gravely ill, and cannot be left alone, and you have serious time limits. Maybe it’ll wake her up
Teyani, I rather hoped that my teary phone call with my sister, J, would drive that point home with her!! Plus, as I learned the other day, I STILL can't say, "My husband has a terminal illness" without breaking down. I'll write about that one soon!
Oh dear Anne… it seems that the bank lady is most likely too asleep to notice anything. I wouldn’t try to say it out loud for now. That’s just too much for anyone to have to do.💞
I love your response to her. Don't feel ashamed for a minute!
Trevy, I don't know where that response came from, but I have pulled it out a few times since then.
Good. I like it😍
Thanks for sharing this-- the banker had zero idea the stress she was causing. I'm glad you spoke up!
I love your response to her fake apology!
I don't mind telling you, it is one of my more insightful responses. Feel free to use it yourself!
Geez I'm enraged for you and Mr J. I'm SO impressed that you had that incisive one-liner to deliver at her. SAVING That one for future use
This happens again and again. 'Systems' and organisations MUST train staff to briefly ask FIRST how much time we have, what we need. It seems the first thing people get taught is 'how to manage, pacify people' instead of fast and efficient! Protocols and sequence seem to outweigh pragmatic logic...uGGGHHH
Handing over some big fat pillows to punch, or I'll hold the punchbag and we can take turns. BIG hugs hon
thank you, Victoria. It was a long time ago, now, but I still think about all! That!! Time that was frittered away.
Mr. J's most supportive national agency offers print off cards that say, "Please pardon my companion's behavior. He has a degenerative brain disease." Perhaps we could use that as a template!!
We actually need two. “Please pardon my companion. . . “ and also, “Please pardon me. . . “ I have PTSD and sometimes stuff comes from my brain to my mouth before I can stop it!