Grief is Not Linear When Mr. J was first diagnosed, I spent quite a bit of time in a fog. But then I started applying my science-y background and attacked my grief with a plan. I listened to podcasts and Ted Talks about grief. I discovered phrases like “Anticipatory Grief” and “Ambiguous Loss.” I bought Pauline Boss’s excellent book and found myself a therapist who was familiar with the concepts. But then life got in the way, and I was subsumed with other things. I lost my way. Science went out the window.
When my mother had dementia and my father had terminal lung cancer, I often found myself grieving while they were still here. My father’s death came fast, while my mother’s took six years. It is hard staying present and not squandering the time you have now. It's all very complicated, but also all ok. There is no right way. Thanks for sharing your journey with us ❤️
@Anne, Thank you for linking to the article I wrote, in which I shared Shankar Vedantam's interview with Lucy Hone (Public Health Resilience Researcher). I'm glad you found it, and it reaffirms the thoughts you were having. May I offer that you may find there is no continuous line - sometimes it feels like 'we lose our way' because grief is not front, centre and focus. There's no right or wrong way, and for me, it's an off/on 'thing' inside - a bit like a line of morse code; always there with longer dashes or shorter dots. I think for me, all these experts offer some insight or perspective or even a big reframe....but ultimately our grief is fingerprint unique. Here's another article to help manage the mental load of it all: https://www.carermentor.com/p/resources-managing-the-mental-load?r=a9y7d&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Victoria, thank you so much for your wisdome and another article. Grief and loss are big topics to tackle. I was delighted to include your post. Sharing makes things better for everyone, don't you think?
As always, thoroughly enjoy your writing. I enjoy the bento box 🍱 analogy 😆
I’m glad you got your resilence building trifecta walk. I hace just adopted a dog and thoroughly enjoying our walks 💚
Thank you, Sheila. I hope your pup brings you great joy.
She is indeed bringing me joy and fabulous cuddles. Thank you for writing ✍️💚
When my mother had dementia and my father had terminal lung cancer, I often found myself grieving while they were still here. My father’s death came fast, while my mother’s took six years. It is hard staying present and not squandering the time you have now. It's all very complicated, but also all ok. There is no right way. Thanks for sharing your journey with us ❤️
Thank you for this, Ilona. I appreciate I am not alone in this struggle.
@Anne, Thank you for linking to the article I wrote, in which I shared Shankar Vedantam's interview with Lucy Hone (Public Health Resilience Researcher). I'm glad you found it, and it reaffirms the thoughts you were having. May I offer that you may find there is no continuous line - sometimes it feels like 'we lose our way' because grief is not front, centre and focus. There's no right or wrong way, and for me, it's an off/on 'thing' inside - a bit like a line of morse code; always there with longer dashes or shorter dots. I think for me, all these experts offer some insight or perspective or even a big reframe....but ultimately our grief is fingerprint unique. Here's another article to help manage the mental load of it all: https://www.carermentor.com/p/resources-managing-the-mental-load?r=a9y7d&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Victoria, thank you so much for your wisdome and another article. Grief and loss are big topics to tackle. I was delighted to include your post. Sharing makes things better for everyone, don't you think?
Awww we have the same saying! Sharing is caring! ❤️ Thanks, Anne!