OOOFF. I brought my BIG box of tissues, a Cold pitcher of Margherita...(or big teapot) and a very large punch-bag - together with the alternating cry-punch-cry playlist.
I hear you, hon. There's that stupid funkiness of grief-resentment-grief cycling and amplifying with frustration.
No need for embarrassment! Our love-wired brains lightning strike us with grief unexpectedly, and unpredictably. There's no preparing ourselves for that shit...Mine was walking in a department store, smelling Dad's aftershave..and here was me thinking I'm fine after 4.5yrs...perhaps I was more raw after our friend passed New Years Eve...Love-grief overrides any semblance of control. I was glad I had my big sunglasses and tissues that day.
I'm so sorry. When I lost my fiance, it took me a long time to get it together. Shortly after his death, I would hear a certain song and begin to cry, uncontrollably. I finally decided to not listen to music for about a year; I just couldn't bear to.
Thanks for stopping by and letting us in. It’s good to hear from you. (Please know that my desire is to help hold space for your process.)
That’s my hope, is to offer a small space of _______ (whatever it is you need in this moment).
Since I don’t know you hardly at all, I offer a snapshot of me standing there, arms wide open, metaphorically holding whatever this thing or emotion or memory or space might contain to give you a breath here.
It feels a bit like you might be in the ‘holding your breath’ kind of moment, preparing for that oceanic wave to hit and without warning. walking into Aldi caused the tsunami to crest . Grief is sneaky this way.
I believe that the depth of our ability to love is equal to the depth of our grief when it hits. I’m sorry things are this way. I would not wish this abyss on anyone.
Please know that you are seen, honored, and cared for.
Ugh. Yes. Yes. Yes. I just returned from Yosemite National Park where my husband and I were married. I've been back three days now and I'm barely functional.
Sorry, Anne. Grief is brutal and I hate how the waves come completely uncontrolled and uninvited. Stay the course. You know what you need to do to take care of yourself. Let the storm pass. Sending you love.
Kristina, this storm seems particularly long. I appreciate your support and understanding. Andf you cheering me on. I am so grateful that Substack brought us together as we wander down the road.
First of all, I'm so glad you're writing again. I know how difficult it is to find the time or emotional wherewithal to sit down and write when you're caregiving, working, and grieving all at the same time.
Second--one of the hardest things about grief is that it's so unpredictable, and you can't logic your way out of it when it pops up, just as you've described here. The therapist I'm seeing has to remind me (over and over again) that "some feelings just need to be felt, not fixed." Grief is definitely one of those. I don't do well with feelings in general, so mostly I try to ignore them, but grief doesn't care. It just barges right on in. ❤️
That’s exactly it, @Pam Johnston. It barges right on in, not caring about propriety or decency or manners. It just show up and refuses to leave on my schedule. Thank you for seeing me.
Thank you, @Sheila. Side note: My first husband and I honeymooned in the south of Spain. I am imagining that beautiful part of the world right now and feeling calm.
If I recall correctly, we flew into Malaga, and drove south to Marbella. We had some wonderful meals, but were often the only ones in the restaurants at 7 at night (which was LATE for us!!).
OOOFF. I brought my BIG box of tissues, a Cold pitcher of Margherita...(or big teapot) and a very large punch-bag - together with the alternating cry-punch-cry playlist.
I hear you, hon. There's that stupid funkiness of grief-resentment-grief cycling and amplifying with frustration.
No need for embarrassment! Our love-wired brains lightning strike us with grief unexpectedly, and unpredictably. There's no preparing ourselves for that shit...Mine was walking in a department store, smelling Dad's aftershave..and here was me thinking I'm fine after 4.5yrs...perhaps I was more raw after our friend passed New Years Eve...Love-grief overrides any semblance of control. I was glad I had my big sunglasses and tissues that day.
BIG hugs
@Victoria, please bring TWO pictures of margaritas!! Thank you
Pictures!! Bah ha ha ha ha. It was a rough morning. . .
Noted! I think ‘on tap’ may be best, with a big tub of fully loaded nachos for each of us.
Oh, my yes!!
Grief is rude like that, sneaking up when you don’t expect it. Blessings in this wild ride.
Thank you, Mary. Grief is indeed quite rude. I appreciate your understanding.
I'm so sorry. When I lost my fiance, it took me a long time to get it together. Shortly after his death, I would hear a certain song and begin to cry, uncontrollably. I finally decided to not listen to music for about a year; I just couldn't bear to.
Thank you for your understanding, Nancy. Thank you for being there for me and letting me know there is an "other side" to this nonsense.
Thanks for stopping by and letting us in. It’s good to hear from you. (Please know that my desire is to help hold space for your process.)
That’s my hope, is to offer a small space of _______ (whatever it is you need in this moment).
Since I don’t know you hardly at all, I offer a snapshot of me standing there, arms wide open, metaphorically holding whatever this thing or emotion or memory or space might contain to give you a breath here.
It feels a bit like you might be in the ‘holding your breath’ kind of moment, preparing for that oceanic wave to hit and without warning. walking into Aldi caused the tsunami to crest . Grief is sneaky this way.
I believe that the depth of our ability to love is equal to the depth of our grief when it hits. I’m sorry things are this way. I would not wish this abyss on anyone.
Please know that you are seen, honored, and cared for.
Teyani, I feel you holding my space. It is everything I could ask for and I am so grateful.
Ugh. Yes. Yes. Yes. I just returned from Yosemite National Park where my husband and I were married. I've been back three days now and I'm barely functional.
Thank you, Anna, for letting me know you are feeling this, too. I am quite out of sorts and I appreciate you.
Sorry, Anne. Grief is brutal and I hate how the waves come completely uncontrolled and uninvited. Stay the course. You know what you need to do to take care of yourself. Let the storm pass. Sending you love.
Kristina, this storm seems particularly long. I appreciate your support and understanding. Andf you cheering me on. I am so grateful that Substack brought us together as we wander down the road.
I bet. I am here, if you want to talk.
Thank you.
Mmmm I relate to *resentful.* 💙
Right? Thank you for the feedback.
I agree! It’s not spoken about much.
I hear you. Hugs. That ocean of grief feels limitless
Limitless and neverending and brutal. I appreciate you, Tanya
First of all, I'm so glad you're writing again. I know how difficult it is to find the time or emotional wherewithal to sit down and write when you're caregiving, working, and grieving all at the same time.
Second--one of the hardest things about grief is that it's so unpredictable, and you can't logic your way out of it when it pops up, just as you've described here. The therapist I'm seeing has to remind me (over and over again) that "some feelings just need to be felt, not fixed." Grief is definitely one of those. I don't do well with feelings in general, so mostly I try to ignore them, but grief doesn't care. It just barges right on in. ❤️
That’s exactly it, @Pam Johnston. It barges right on in, not caring about propriety or decency or manners. It just show up and refuses to leave on my schedule. Thank you for seeing me.
I’m so sorry. Glad you are able to write again.
thank you, Patricia. Looks like we are on similar paths. Sending love and light to you.
Oh Anne. I’m without words. Let them emotions out into the oceans of emotions. Big big hugs from the south of Spain to you my dear. 💚
Thank you, @Sheila. Side note: My first husband and I honeymooned in the south of Spain. I am imagining that beautiful part of the world right now and feeling calm.
Oh really? Where did you go? It’s a beautiful time of year here with lots of wild flowers 🌺
If I recall correctly, we flew into Malaga, and drove south to Marbella. We had some wonderful meals, but were often the only ones in the restaurants at 7 at night (which was LATE for us!!).
Oh lovely! Hahaa yes 7 would be verrrry early here. There’s a snack time called merienda and that’s at 6.