16 Comments
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Sarah Coomber's avatar

Love the food section especially. I would sum up my grief-craving with one word: hotdish. Macaroni and cheese ... pastitsio ... biriyani ... All are so nourishing, like love in a bowl.

One suggestion: Ask about food allergies/sensitivities/dislikes.

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Teyani Whitman's avatar

Such a beautiful and real list. Thank you Anne.

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Celia Cain, PhD's avatar

Such a great list!

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Trevy Thomas's avatar

Well done. I'll add my own that was very awkward at the time. Gift cards. We went from two self-employed incomes to one over the course of a weekend. I needed pet food more than flowers or fruit baskets.

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Anne's avatar

Oh, that’s really good, @Trevy Thomas. Thank you.

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Lisa McMahon Smith's avatar

This is a brilliant list. I know this because I wish I had something similar to give when someone asked me “can I do something for you? Or let me know if I can help out in any way.” Four and a half years out and no one asks. The belief is I should be over it.

I am wondering how I can get this to a friend’s sister who is not on Substack. If you know, help please. My friend is a new member of this awful “club.”

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Anne's avatar

The audio version is on Apple podcasts.

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Victoria's avatar

I LOVE this, Anne! YES to shower wipes (that's what we used in hospital) totally different to Andrex toilet wipes. I like the 'Simple' brand. Also, Balsam tissues by Kleenex are soft on the nose xo

I just thought - you could have an Amazon Wishlist on the website for friends, family and subscribers to keep you in chocolate and wipes! An alternative help/support to subscriber fees.

Also spare powerpacks and apple trackers to put into certain people's pockets to see where they are, are useful ;-) BIG hugs

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Anne's avatar

What a great idea. An Amazon list for grievers and those who love them. Genius, @Victoria. Absolute genius.

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Victoria's avatar

I can’t take credit for the inspiration, @Amy - The Tonic has an Amazon Wish List and since I read a post from her today and yours, the thought clicked ;-)

You could do a personal wish list and have a rolling list published on your Substack, using your article today…like the caregiving hacks I published today, I think a list of suggestions for people who want to support those grieving could be really useful! xoxo

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Amy Gabrielle's avatar

I did not know about the shower wipes! I love learning new griefy things.

I had everyone purchase gift certificates from Grubhub. Instacart has them now too, so that's what I recommend. I haven't stepped foot in a grocery store in three years.

https://www.instacart.com/p/gift-cards

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Anne's avatar

Lume has lovely shower wipes.

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Pam Johnston's avatar

What a great list. And I second the housekeeping service! I hired a pair of women this past summer, and having a clean house has simply been life-changing. One less thing to cry about.

Help with yardwork is the one item I'd add to this list--I hired a lawn crew to take care of my front yard almost as soon as Mike was diagnosed. (The back yard isn't visible to my neighbors/HOA, so I get to it when I get to it.)

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Anne's avatar

A lawn service! I am quite sure my neighbors wish I’d hire someone for lawn service.

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Istiaq Mian's avatar

This list is a gift that will keep on giving. Thank you for the ideas Anne.

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Anne's avatar

Thank you for your kind words, Istiaq Mian. I appreciate you.

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